I am proud to be an American

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

NO profound thought here, just that i was driving home and thinking about all the soldiers that are away, doing what they are doing. I am very grateful.

The Key to change is to let GO

I've been telling my dreams to the scarecrow 

About the places that I'd like to see

I say, "friend do you think I'll ever get there?"

Oh, but he just stands there smilin' back at me

Today marks 20 0n my count down to Disney! Oh boy it is getting so close. I have my flight, hotel, and luggage ordered! I had a very merry Christmas this year. I think on of my favorite gifts was the Ariel doll i received. Though this in its oddness was my Mom's unique way of supporting my decision. MY mom and I don't always see eye to eye. I think this is the best time as any. To let the cyber world know i love and appreciate my mother. Given our interesting situation now, and my hurt feelings. I still love her very much.

But how do you wait for heaven?

And who has that much time?

And how do you keep your feet on the ground

When you know that you were born,

You were born to fly

Here is the sitch!

So this is how it boils down :)

I 

Love

 Life

I love that I have the worlds most wonderful job filled with the worlds sweetest kids. How with out a doubt  steal my heart everyday. That and i get the greatest opportunity to jump out of my comfort zone and say i don't know move across the country!

Yesterday i found out who my roommate is!!! She is real swell, i think we  are going to get along just grand!

Her name is Olivia but goes my Livvy. I think we will get along just fine :)

She is From Ohio, and goes to Miami University hahah in OHIO!!! not to mention i found out she currently works for my favorite store in the whole world........Yes Terra it is FATE!
I am currently at day 25 in my count down! SO much more to come. I may see my best friend in the whole wide world so my fat night of Thai food and t.v. may of switched!!!! never been so excited!

Confessions of a Broken Heart

So this week has been such a rough week for this girl. I had a mental break down at work on Monday.  I don't know what set me off but, I guess i never really know. I was just thinking about what I have lost because of other peoples choices. Mainly of my parents. As my heart was breaking, i turned to those that have always stood by me. Their words remind me that I AM SO BLESSED.

But for now I am missing what used to be.

I used to have a Dad, but then he didn't want anything to do with me

then

I let another Man, fill the hole in my heart and he hurt me to my soul

then the  

unexpected thing happen, she wasn't in my corner anymore 

and that 

in its self shattered what was left of my heat.

and for now

 I smile and start rebuilding what is left.

ponderings

I am the Hero of this story. I don't need to be saved.

Love my JOb

So here I am sitting thinking about my day at work. I love everything about my Job, the kids i work with, seeing what they are truly capable for. They make my rainy days so much better every day. They realy make each day a TRUE DANCE PARTY!

They found my "replacement" yesterday, I thought it was going to come from inside the club, but I realized I am going to have a hard time letting go of my job, Its my baby <3  But i know i am going where i need to be for the time being.

just for fun.....so excited for the hunger Games

Working for the man.....err....the mouse

So today marks day 56 till I am living in Florida, and working at DisneyWorld. I have not been on this lovely blog for a long time, mostly because of ethics, what and how much do you pour into the worldwide Web? I decided that the smallest amount is the best. But my excitement of DISNEY!!!! is just pouring out of me.

So basically what I am going to do is Main Entrance stuff, until i get there i don't know much of anything :) but I want to audition when I get there to be a face character...aka The littler Mermaid :)

Crack that Whip

So been feeling a bit down the last few days wondering what I am doing with my life. I work hard for everything, and in one week my car gets totaled, Computer dies, phone breaks, and ipod goes MIA. Not to mention I have no idea how to plan camps based on skills that I lack.

SO. this is me letting the world know that I am still here and I haven't given up....Things are things, they can come and go :) I know live on my own with the greatest girls <3

Easter

Every year I get so excited for Easter :) I love Easter Sunday, my whole family goes to church....about the only time I can get them all there at one time. I love the dying of eggs, although it make no logic to me, I love that we always go to Grandmas :) I love that we get a special time to remeber the Savior.

Although this Easter was a wee bit differnt :)

I was in a car accident, that thankfully not on was majorly hurt. But i slept through Easter :) so I missed all of the above.

Life sucks :) more correctly sucky things in life happen, we all know I have had my share, but looking back I wouldn't change a second of it.

As for my Uncle, things still looks dreary...but my aunt said this "we are looking for inches not miles" I think  i am so very blessed. I can't imagine my life anyother way. <3

Little Late Night ....studying?

So I am studying for my sociology exam on Monday, and I have some thoughts about Social stratification.

This whole idea that your poor becuase you don't work hard enough? How is that even a legit enough to put in a text book. I can understand abusing the wealfare system (gah which irritages me ) but what do you tell the little girl whose mom work two jobs, and had to stop going to school to provide for her kids? What do you tell that little girl who wants a new pair of shoes....oh sorry your mom isn't working hard enough for you.

In the United States 37 million people are "cassified" as poor. "working poor"

So my Question is what is "The American Dream" is this idea of upward climb is social mobility. Ever raising the living standards for our children and our childrens children?

What is your dream?

There is this phycological idea behind being poor aswell, "poor people" are resigned to their situation thus not worried about gaining social mobility.

I find this all rediculous.....sure i know, I am not going to be Bill Gates one day, I am going to be a Social Worker....who will spend the rest of her life living pay check to pay check. I grew up way below that invisible "poverty line" i have never once concidered myself poor. I am making something out of my life, One day I will graduate from college, be the first one in my family to come out with a DEGREE, Once upon a time I will hopefuly get married..who knows..all I know is that we have an issue. The rich get richer and the poor get more poor. Which has been the story for a long time. Its this awkward prejudice against eachother. "the rich are selfish and they didn't earn their money....daddy gave it too them:" yayayda
"the poor just don't work hard enough"

I don't sugest i know the answer, but I do know is that if everyone were to help out someone when they needed help.....and i am not talking money/cash/loans...its the helping someone pull their weeds, letting someone who only has one item go ahead of you. LISTENING to people, be apart of peoples lives. Then we become a whole. Its not a Jesus thing its a HUMAN THING.

Ranting and ravings of a POOR college student :)

I will be there throught it all

So, eventful day today :)

Try to shorten it...

5k ..... amazing .... i am constantly amazed about the kindness of others.
Dear Katie Ann being beautiful and helpful locked my car door whilst my keys were in side, thought we might have to break sally's window....but she and I were saved my grizzly inked heros :)

Family <3 gotta love them

Uggg....little fact...Keshia is a nerd :) yea and she is highly introverted....and HATES dates.....uggg...i books, and quiet :( well no pain no gain? aye?

WORK :)

"can you pop the trunk, so i can get my corn dogs"
-jonny k

A little AHA moment

So as I have been getting sick againg what a  shocker there, those who have known me along time know that i have basically been sick since the sixth grade, but as i feel i am dying I have come to this recognition. Life sucks, and every once in a while we have these amazing moments with other people and then we go home and do something normal like wash the dishes.
My thoughts seem to have gone to the "life isn't fair" sort. My uncle is SUFFERING and super sick with this thing that is kicking his butt. LIFE'S NOT FAIR. Julie has cancer LIFES NOT FAIR. school sucksLIFES NOT FAIR. my computer and phone died LIFE'S NOT FAIR. Whitney's uncle was takes so soon LIFES NOT FAIR, Maryanne jumped of the bridge LIFE'S NOT FAIR.

Then I turned to the scriptures....The Savior took on the sins of the world LIFES NOT FAIR The savior died on the cross next to criminals ....life's not fair...AND I AM GLAD.

 Life wasn't made to be hard, I am blessed in so many ways, I have a job where i get to watch and help children/teens/adults grow, they teach me a new lesson everyday. I have an amazing family, i have the Gospel in my life, i have the Savior in my life, i have friends who are always there.

catch you on the flip side

I'm having a bad, bad Day.

So you ever have a bad day...no matter what you try you know that its going to be a crummy day. For those around me that don't know my Uncle is REALLY REALLY sick, and it breaks my heart knowing how much it is going to effect their family. They are a family who deserves the best, they took me in when I was at a loss of where to go and what to do. When I hear when people say God doesn't answer prayers I want to ask are you blind stupid, sure God does strike bad people down with a bolt of lighting, but i am a firm believer that GOD sends people into your life, and the CHANGE your life forever. Once upon a time they CHANGED me, they made an impact on my life, they showed me what a life with out abuse looked like, where there wasn't yelling, and hate. They are hard working. The Question that i am asking isn't why? because that just would be stupid, but what now?

To add to my bad day, my computer decided to committed suicide..jumped out of my arms and on to the drive way and now i need a new one ....and..... i need it for my job.

But because i am the disgustingly positive person I am...
ONE:
Jim can recover my files and save them for me (thank baby Jesus....lots of money in that itunes)
TWO:
Got to spend the day with some of the greatest teenagers in the world that i am blessed everyday to have them apart of my life, and a great friend...that deals with me and my phycobabble.
THREE:
my car is back from the auto body shop.....and she is good as new...YAY Fast driving
FOUR:
I have the greatest friends in the world <3
FIVE:
I know that God is aware of our lives and loves and cares for us, but as long as i continue doing the right thing...everything will work out...maybe not the way i want it to but...hey what i am i the best at? picking my self up from ground zero...and we aren't even rock bottom yet :)

p.s. Hop SO SUPER FUNNY!

cuz you had a bad day :)

Sometimes I find myself wondering why can't I have normal challenges....ha what exactly is a normal challenge? but it would be my guess is not what to say to that long lost half sister of your who sent you a message....just saying :) Among other things that have kinda gotten this kiddo down in the dumps. Which is somewhere I don't stay for very long. Today was no different, I recognized the gloom setting in, and decided to compile a list of things that I am thankful for.


Sisters :)
A warm bed
Smiles
Children laughing
MUsic
Air conditioning/heating
dishwashers
Good Friends
my AMAZING JOB
conversation
Democracy
Hugs
Dogs
my car
Internet
hot showers
summer storms followed my rainbows
lazy days
Love
Honey bunches of oats
musicals
Today, because today is another opportunity to get it right and make a positive change
Beaches
 Big bodies of water
boats
My relations ship with my Heavenly Father
Cell Phones
My Family
feeling after a long shower
sight
touch
taste
hearing
smell
sun block
love
new shoes
romantic comedy's
BOOKS
a good movie
promises
spell check
alarm clocks
 fincaial aide
pillows
 being able to cuddle
being happy
a good secret
answered prayers
my rebellious streak
Going super duper fast
sun shine
blankets
sun sets
sleeping in
MY ipod
PICTURES
memories
Facebook
Cosmo
long road
Road Trips
Parks
Swing rides late at night
kindness
people who feed me
the ridiculous situations i find myself in
my Jr. staff
my co-workers (ok most of them )
Having Goals and Dreams
being able to choose
being kicked out of my house]
being smart
able to budget money
freedom of speech
The thing is, I may have a difficult life...I may want to throw in the towel once in a while, but you know what....Every day I am reminded of who I am, I am a daughter of God. who loves me and I love him. I will stand as a witness of God at all times in all thing and in all place.

Don't Blink

Today, because of my inability to say no :) I find my self in the baby section of Old Navy. For someone who has had the baby blues  for such a long time...it was treacherous :) I am one lucky girl to have friends who can't say no to me when i ask really nicely :) and so they had the blessing of me talking about babies all morning. Jonny licked Babe's face....so non the less it was an eventful morning, but the last couple of weeks i have been seriously contemplating  what i am wanting to do with this life of mine. About how life changes so quickly, high school seems like a lifetime ago. ha last week seems like years have passed in between. I am forever changing.One of my biggest goals I have realized that the things in life...like the perfect car, or the cool new cell phone are great, but what i want is more lasting and special then purchasing my fist car. I want to have my own family, a home( not a house) a house is a shell that people life in, and create relationships along the way. I want a home filled with laughter, love, a kitchen that is the heart, I want to share that home with someone who loves me, and not a simple love....an eternal love, a love that will share in the experience of making a family.

who knows when and if this is in my future, it seems like forever off into my future, but 19 years have passed and it feels like" i took a nap at 6 and woke up 25" :) thus the song at the beginning :)

The day is not even half over, and there will be more kiddos in my day...which is the way that I love it.

signing out....catch ya on the flip side <3

Pools of Sarrow....WAVES of JOY

After having one of the GREATEST weeks, it took the plummeting drop I wasn't expecting. When life threw me a Jeffry I didn't have a furry wall handy....oooh but did I have a wall of tears that DEMANDED to be released. For someone who doesn't cry easily, I found myself getting upset over being upset. A sort of paradox it seems. Today was a day of lessons some that I have already learned (keshia always needs a nice bit of nudging in the right direction sometimes) and new lessons.
Among these lessons, THE POWER AND LOVE OF FAMILY. I am so blessed to have a set of amazing Grandparents who have been and continue to be the greatest examples to me in the world. They made the choice to serve the people of New Mexico, and teach them the joy of the Gospel, but turns out that they weren't going to be able to serve quite as soon as they had planned...life has this way of sneaking up on you and biting straight in the ass, but the cliche that love conquers all is so true. I can always count on my aunts to answer their phones when I need them most.
THE AMAZING NESS OF THE PRIESTHOOD. I can't even fathom the way to express the love that I have for those who live their life in a way that they are able to have such a strong responsibility. My grandma's wise words were to find my bishop and have a talk with him. HA little Keshia who is afraid of her own shadow :) meet with a stranger. HOW BRILLIANT IS THAT WOMAN. I found his number and made the super awkward phone call, and he was how does now sound. I will be their in 20 min. I feel that I shocked him with the lovely life story that I have, I may of just rambled and spilled some guts and a ton of tears, but I left that room, ......ug the best way to describe it would be to say as one. Life still sucked, but I walked away reminded of who I am, a Daughter of God! I didn't get a blessing, nor profound advice. The power of the priesthood is like an...aura that is shot out from around you. :) and I am so thankful that I have a Grandpa who hold the priesthood, I generally deal with the women in my family, when my Grandpa got on the phone today, I could feel the love on my family, my savior, and that everything would be ok. My grandpa has given me countless blessing, whenever I have asked for them, driven out of his way. I know that one day when someone wants to enter into my life, THAT THE PRIESTHOOD WILL BE THERE. I have had to live with out it in my home, with out love, with out the spirit. I WILL NOT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN THAT.
THE POWER OF CHILDREN aw my kids they are my pride and joy, no one can stay upset when rain or shine, as soon as I walk through a less than glorious entrance of the good ol' BGC, a herd of the most adorable five year old plow you over. They stole my heart, and fill me up each and everyday. I am so blessed
THAT I AM SO BLESSED: I have an amazing family, I have amazing friends, I have an amazing job, I have a testimony of Jesus Christ, I know who I am, and where I stand.

signing out ....catch ya on the flip side...

Sticks and Stones Kate Monster!

Day One of a Happy, Healthy Keshia,

Terra and I both got gym memberships, and are determined to go each and every day, at said gym I fell into the rut of going and  getting the tanning package...seemed stupid at the time to not get it, but when faced with the actual bed, I chickened I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO WORK THAT MONSTER! I could DIE! lol ok so I am being heavily overly dramatic, but hey that's why people keep me around. That and I always carry some yummy treats :) but I going to get over this fear, and I AM GOING TO DO IT!  Terra says that tanning releases toxins and makes you feel better afterwards, so I will test that theory, and try not to get sun burnt :)

but it was interesting sitting there are reading and looking at the pictures to figure out how each machine works, ha i realize I may just have short arms. and that I have no clue what I am really doing, so lets pray that I am not wasting my time, or hurting myself :) because both would be really sad :)
but I am needing to find a place that sells special shoes because my body held up way better then I had been expecting, but i found it was weird feeling the bones in my feet crunch against each other. Imagine you are in Keshia's head for a moment, and you reminder that she has this morbid sense of humor...BE AFRAID BE VERY AFRAID!

HAPPY HEALTHY KESHIA PLAN! is as follows:
So Gym/Tanning  is Phase one
Going for a massage is Phase two - happy keshia :)
Hair Phase 3

who knows what will follow, Maybe this crazy girl who works too hard for her own good, will be able to sleep, and enjoy life...and work out all the stress she has been building up for some time, and If she starts to look SUPER SEXY FINE.....well....that is just a plus :)

and on a positive not I got my CAMERA FIXED! so pictures will be coming OF EVERYTHIG!

signing out....catch ya on the flip side. <3

Racing Stripes and other fun things.

Lately I have found that life isn't always going to go according to plan, no matter now many times I DEMAND that it does :) So when I tell my mom she is messing up big time is a way that I "hope" is respectful and, all that jazz, does she put up any boundaries between the new dude she has brought into our lives...if giving him a free pass to call our house-home. THEN YOU BET she does. I guess I will have something special, not most people can say they have been to all three of their Mother's weddings :) Sarcasm aside, "Paul" (his name isn't really Paul, idk anyone with the name Paul...except the one stoner kid in my Jr. High...but that is irrelevant) is a really nice guy and, has helped my get my new car which I have daubed the name Sally Mae, taught me how to use jumper cables, when silly ol' me left Sally Mae's lights on, but...oh yes there is ALWAYS A BUT....its kinda like the white elephant in the room. That awkward feeling that everyone is aware of but you don't want to say anything about. I thought we were going to try and figure out what WE...were as a FAMILY, not try and force a man into a home, which has been the front line for moral attack our whole lives, but who knows maybe this will all turn out honky dory. Though I am not neccisarly a pessimist, I like to think of myself more as a realist. I am preparing for the shit to hit the ceiling fan and, when I will be needed to clean up the mess once again.
I love my job, I love life, I love my family, I love my God, I love my friends, I sorta at times love school.

Tomorrow is a Tuesday, and on a Tuesday I don't cook for the most adorable kindergartners in the world, I will be working with some of the most amazing teenagers who I am blessed everyday for knowing.

Things are going to be changing so much, I am going to be doing some self cleaning, inside and out, Terra and I are officially gym membership holders, and I want to feel better and be better.

Signing out...Catch ya on the flipside

p.s. about the racing stripes.....dear dear sister of mine had her first driving mishap, backed into the neighbors "beautiful" truck (the one I lust after...but feel great pain for their gas bills) with good ol' Paul's car. Oh how sparks fly, and Karlie breaks down, and Keshia feels second hand embarrassment for my mom's lack ...of lets say.....common sense in how to deal with the manner, but lets see Karlie is in one piece, both cars are in good standing, and life goes on another day. For new adventures just waiting to happen.

My new "adventure"

I have always been terrible at the whole keeping a journal thing, and well lets face it, that probably won't ever change. We are in fact creatures of habit or something ridiculously cliche like that right. Well this is how this is going to go, here where anyone can read, seeing how nothing is private on the good ol' web, daily err well probably monthly tid bits about how this crazy girl sees the world.